So Influenster sent Burly and I some of the new Dove dry spray antiperspirants. We gave it a little over a week to try them out and I was personally sadly underwhelmed but Burly would buy it again Here are our pro and con lists:
Momma:
Pros: Fast
Smells pretty good when you first put it on (*More on that soon)
New things are fun
Cons: Cold
Inhalation was overwhelming
Smell turned after a few hours
Didn't last 48 hours as advertised
Lacks precision
Burly:
Pros: Stays Dry
Stays Clean
Lasts 48 Hours as advertised
Cons: Seems to Leave Armpits Sticky in Shower
Soap Doesn't Easily Remove it
Cold
For me I just wasn't impressed. The smell was nice at first but seems to get that old perfume smell by the end of the day. Also while some days were fine there was one day in particular where at the end of the night I was feeling pretty stinky. The funny thing was I didn't really anything physical that day so I don't know why that happened. Also, not that I can complain much living in California BUT, its cold in the morning and putting this stuff on just makes it colder! Wowza! I'm usually a stick antiperspirant girl and had never used a spray before so that might be normal but I wasn't into that shock at all. I liked that it was fast to put on but I feel like as a bigger girl I want precision as to where that deodorant it going instead of just a fog-o-spray going every which way. Also the fog-o-spray choked me up pretty good. Especially when Burly was putting his on. The aerosol and cologne combo just crushed my lungs.
So I wont be purchasing but it looks like Burly was a fan and might just keep on with it. I did like the smell on him once we were out of the aerosol fog and so I wont mind him getting it again.
Thanks Influenster! We love trying new things and I hope to have better luck next time!
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Jada Pinkett-Smith - Take care of YOU, first
This was such an important message for me. I made my new year resolutions to take care of myself and I'm good with that but at the same time in the back of my mind I felt a bit selfish doing so. This came to me right at the right time. At the end of the day I need to do what I need to do to take care of myself. Such powerful words!
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
New Years Resolution
This year my new years resolution is going to be to love myself more. It's something that I have been extremely lax in this last year... well for longer than that really. I think I've gotten into that mom phase where I get so overwhelmed taking care of everyone else I don't leave any time or energy for myself. And it shows. I can feel that neglect in my bones, in my weight, in my hair. I feel the empty tank in my nerves, in my patience, in my being. I need to rejuvenate myself, take better care of myself, yes for everyone else but also just for MY well being. I need to remember I am not a slave to my family (and I say that knowing that I love to take care of my family). I have needs that need to be met to. So here is my list of things to do to help remind myself to love myself!
1. 365 Selfie - I've seen this on both Twitter and Instagram. You take a picture of yourself every single day for a year. To remind myself that I am beautiful and that my beauty is gauged by me and is for me and no one else.
2. Back to Exercising - I feel better when I move everyday. My mental health is better when I don't feel so bloated and heavy. It's not about getting into a size 2 (or 8, or 12, or 14 even), it's about feeling stronger, more limber, and just feeling like an active adult.
3. Makeup/Beauty Products - I've been already doing this since I went back to work after my maternity leave but I'm going to keep with it. Doing my make up every day and continuing to buy little things like hand lotion and special eye make up remover etc. that help me feel like I"m pampering myself. Things that are Just for me and me alone.
4. Do something about my hair - It's falling out in great heaps. It has been for a while now and just doesn't seem to be slowing down at all. I'm not sure what is going on but sitting by and waiting doesn't seem to be the right course of action (or is that inaction...). So I'm going to start with some extra vitamins, and possibly get a shorter hair cut again to help curb the weight (I have really heavy hair). If that doesn't help I'm going to schedule to see a doctor. Which means I have to make time for myself to take care of myself. It sounds small but its a big thing for me.
5. Find time to pursue hobby/personal time - This for me is baking bread and also learning how to make those super cute sugar cookies I see on Pinterest. It also means saving time at the end of the night to play the Tsum Tsum game on my phone after the kids have gone to bed.
6. Find time to pursue my Burly man - Nothing makes me feel sexier than when Burly is loving up on me. Whether he's giving me a hug or giving me the come hither eye he sees the best in me and brings that out. Date nights, intimate moments, these are things that are harder with 3 kids running around but so so so important.
Thats about it. Make time to make myself feel pretty and appreciated. I've got this!
P.S. I made this to help with my weight loss. You're welcome to use it!
Monday, November 30, 2015
When I knew
So I was up thinking last night after an outing with some friends this weekend. We were talking over tea about how we knew we had found the one. I think I had said something like it was a comfortable feeling in your heart or some such. But it left me thinking about my relationship with Burly and how I did realize this was the big one. Especially after two failed 'big ones' in my past.
They say when you go through the training to foster a child that part of the curriculum is learning that these broken kids will push to test you and will lash out often as a means to see if you will really stick around or to hurt you before you hurt them etc. I think that isn't just left to broken children. Adults who come from hard backgrounds (like myself) can do the same thing. With Burly I was finally able to see this pattern and finally put it to bed.
We of course didn't exactly have the easiest start at this. We had only been dating for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant (I was on the pill but God had different plans) and Burly, God bless him, didn't skip a beat. He was in for the long haul, he already knew where he wanted to be and that was by my side. I was a lot more scared as two months is an incredibly short amount of time to know someone let alone decide to parent with them. But I really liked him and I didn't think I was going anywhere (ha) so there we were. Two more months down the road we had a fight and it wasn't a 'take the trash out' kind of fight but the mother of all blow out fights. I lost it Big Time and just like that my old patterns kicked in and I went about kicking him out right then and there. 'This is my house and you are Out. Out. Out.' I had my view of what I wanted my relationship to look like and as soon as he put a toe out of that little circle of control my auto response was that he obviously didn't really care for me and I was going to get rid of him before he hurt me. Before he left me. It was my fear based reaction.
I realize now that I had never really let him in. I liked him well enough and he was fun to have around but I kept him at arms length. I didn't trust him because my past dictated that people, men in particular, that you got close to ended up hurting you either emotionally, physically, or both. So I went through the motions of what I felt a relationship should entail but I never actually let myself truly feel and commit to that relationship on a deeper level. I had been walled up protecting myself for so long I had no idea that I was doing it anymore. I was saying love but was so numb I didn't realize the feeling wasn't there because I had truly forgotten what feeling anything besides fear felt like.
Looking back I can see this with my ex. We separated because he came out as transgender and we worked really hard but it just wasn't going to happen. I just wasn't attracted to his feminine side. But when we called it quits I wasn't actually feeling anything that I knew I should be. I just continued with the numbness. I realized that I had never really committed to the romantic relationship like I should have. He was and continues to be my best friend (really we talk all day every day) but I never trusted my heart to him until after we were broken up and that is a regret I have.
The same sort of thing happened with my second daughter. I was so terrified that she might die that I couldn't let myself unravel into that puddley heap of motherly love. It took me almost a month to let go. Now part of that was postpartum anxiety (common with people like myself that struggle with anxiety) but again I think it was myself being so afraid to lose that I couldn't even participate in relationship.
And that is what I think it is. When you come from a turbulent past you learn to control and hold onto what you can with all your might. You might not be able to control where you live or how anyone treats you but you can control your emotions and your heart and so you build this wall around your feelings so you can just get through to the next day. I never let me wall down for anyone and it caused me to become this lonely individual even in a room full of people that loved me. That wall kept me from feeling pain and heartache but it also kept me from feeling anything else either.
I told Jason to leave multiple times. I lashed out at him; screamed my fool head off for him to just get out, and he was so confused, the poor dear soul that he is. What I was really doing was making a big noise to scare away the boogie man. Like banging pans together to scare away a bear in the woods. Or when an abandoned dog growls and snarls and bites at the person trying to rescue them. I was too scared to love him. I didn't want him to hurt me like the others had. And this went on for months. But slowly I saw that he never left my side. He got frustrated. He cried. He yelled back but he never walked out the door. And he continued to love me even in my worst moments. And just like they teach you in those fostering classes slowly I saw that I could maybe trust him a little. And one by one the bricks in my wall came down. And I realized that I was really loving him not just going through the motions of what my idea of love looked like.
It's an odd feeling to actually feel again. It is a lot more vulnerable place to be. But it is also a lot more rewarding. My relationship with Burly is so special and real now. I know we will be together forever. My relationship with my ex (my best friend) is a lot deeper and more connected that we ever were when we were lovers and I so appreciate being able to share with him in that way and with other friends too. And my daughters, both of them, my heart aches just knowing how fleeting childhood is and I'm soaking up every moment knowing that yes someday I will feel the pain of an empty nest but that is not today and I will be able to work through that with Burly when it does.
I knew Burly was the one when my heart was comfortable in his hands and I'm so glad he was patient enough to wait for me to give it to him.
They say when you go through the training to foster a child that part of the curriculum is learning that these broken kids will push to test you and will lash out often as a means to see if you will really stick around or to hurt you before you hurt them etc. I think that isn't just left to broken children. Adults who come from hard backgrounds (like myself) can do the same thing. With Burly I was finally able to see this pattern and finally put it to bed.
We of course didn't exactly have the easiest start at this. We had only been dating for 2 months when I found out I was pregnant (I was on the pill but God had different plans) and Burly, God bless him, didn't skip a beat. He was in for the long haul, he already knew where he wanted to be and that was by my side. I was a lot more scared as two months is an incredibly short amount of time to know someone let alone decide to parent with them. But I really liked him and I didn't think I was going anywhere (ha) so there we were. Two more months down the road we had a fight and it wasn't a 'take the trash out' kind of fight but the mother of all blow out fights. I lost it Big Time and just like that my old patterns kicked in and I went about kicking him out right then and there. 'This is my house and you are Out. Out. Out.' I had my view of what I wanted my relationship to look like and as soon as he put a toe out of that little circle of control my auto response was that he obviously didn't really care for me and I was going to get rid of him before he hurt me. Before he left me. It was my fear based reaction.
I realize now that I had never really let him in. I liked him well enough and he was fun to have around but I kept him at arms length. I didn't trust him because my past dictated that people, men in particular, that you got close to ended up hurting you either emotionally, physically, or both. So I went through the motions of what I felt a relationship should entail but I never actually let myself truly feel and commit to that relationship on a deeper level. I had been walled up protecting myself for so long I had no idea that I was doing it anymore. I was saying love but was so numb I didn't realize the feeling wasn't there because I had truly forgotten what feeling anything besides fear felt like.
Looking back I can see this with my ex. We separated because he came out as transgender and we worked really hard but it just wasn't going to happen. I just wasn't attracted to his feminine side. But when we called it quits I wasn't actually feeling anything that I knew I should be. I just continued with the numbness. I realized that I had never really committed to the romantic relationship like I should have. He was and continues to be my best friend (really we talk all day every day) but I never trusted my heart to him until after we were broken up and that is a regret I have.
The same sort of thing happened with my second daughter. I was so terrified that she might die that I couldn't let myself unravel into that puddley heap of motherly love. It took me almost a month to let go. Now part of that was postpartum anxiety (common with people like myself that struggle with anxiety) but again I think it was myself being so afraid to lose that I couldn't even participate in relationship.
And that is what I think it is. When you come from a turbulent past you learn to control and hold onto what you can with all your might. You might not be able to control where you live or how anyone treats you but you can control your emotions and your heart and so you build this wall around your feelings so you can just get through to the next day. I never let me wall down for anyone and it caused me to become this lonely individual even in a room full of people that loved me. That wall kept me from feeling pain and heartache but it also kept me from feeling anything else either.
I told Jason to leave multiple times. I lashed out at him; screamed my fool head off for him to just get out, and he was so confused, the poor dear soul that he is. What I was really doing was making a big noise to scare away the boogie man. Like banging pans together to scare away a bear in the woods. Or when an abandoned dog growls and snarls and bites at the person trying to rescue them. I was too scared to love him. I didn't want him to hurt me like the others had. And this went on for months. But slowly I saw that he never left my side. He got frustrated. He cried. He yelled back but he never walked out the door. And he continued to love me even in my worst moments. And just like they teach you in those fostering classes slowly I saw that I could maybe trust him a little. And one by one the bricks in my wall came down. And I realized that I was really loving him not just going through the motions of what my idea of love looked like.
It's an odd feeling to actually feel again. It is a lot more vulnerable place to be. But it is also a lot more rewarding. My relationship with Burly is so special and real now. I know we will be together forever. My relationship with my ex (my best friend) is a lot deeper and more connected that we ever were when we were lovers and I so appreciate being able to share with him in that way and with other friends too. And my daughters, both of them, my heart aches just knowing how fleeting childhood is and I'm soaking up every moment knowing that yes someday I will feel the pain of an empty nest but that is not today and I will be able to work through that with Burly when it does.
I knew Burly was the one when my heart was comfortable in his hands and I'm so glad he was patient enough to wait for me to give it to him.
Monday, May 11, 2015
My Mothers Day Recap
I had the loveliest Mothers Day I think I've had to date. I really enjoyed myself, and just really enjoyed spending the day with Miss P and Burly.
We started with getting to sleep in a bit. Miss P's Daddy dropped her off at 9am from her visit with him. It was his weekend but he was so generous to offer me the day for Mother's day. When she got home she wanted a snack right away and then we sat down and did a big girl Frozen puzzle (ie a real puzzle instead of the wooden Melissa & Douge type ones) and then she wanted me to play with her Frozen barbie dolls with her. This kid can make up some wild stories. I was handed the Kristoff doll and she had the Anna doll and we were off looking for Elsa so she could freeze and then unfreeze Anna's heart. LOL The things she picks up from watching that movie just astounds me.
When it got close to lunch time we headed off to Sequoia Sandwich. I love this place and if you happen to be in the Fresno/Clovis CA area I highly suggest you try it. We had time to take a couple of pictures while we waited for our sandwiches to be made.
Then we went to Target for a bit. I got a new iced tea pitcher and Miss P got to pick out a few new summer clothes to round out her wardrobe. A My Little Pony shirt was the highlight of her shopping trip I think. lol She kept talking about her 'Apple Jack shirt' (a character on the show) and wanted to wear it this morning to day care.
Then since it was Mothers' Day after all, I decided we needed some frozen yogurt after all that shopping. We headed over to Menchies and it was full of surprises! First off the owner gave Miss P a Menchies stuffed doll and she just was over the moon with the gift. She squealed with delight and hugged it really tight. She was so excited! lol I think she said thank you like five times. Which is really good for a three year old!
Then we noticed that there was face painting outside. We took our fro-yo outside and Piper waited patiently for her turn. She decided she wanted her whole face to be a tiger! lol She cracks me up! She sat so still for the face painter and was just sweet as could be. The results were fantastic!
My brother called and was in the area so he stopped by so my nieces could get some frozen yogurt and face painting too. Miss A got a unicorn on her cheek, and Miss L got a Hello Kitty on her arm. So sweet. They came back to the house so the girls could play while I rested. It was so nice as they play so well together.
Burly's parents and grandma came over for dinner. Burly made tritip and I sauteed some summer squash and zucchini with mushrooms and onions. It was all SO good!
After everyone left Piper got a bath. Then since we missed nap time it was early to bed.
What a wonderful day! The only thing that held a shadow over the day was that I certainly missed Miss M but I hope she had a good day with her Mommy. I understand she's not mine to have on Mothers Day even if I feel differently!
On another note: Very few contractions the last few days. I was so thankful to not have to deal with those so much that it put any kind of spoiler on the day. I rested, stayed hydrated, and it worked to my advantage! Burly wouldn't even let me load the dishwasher!
Although we did talk on the phone for a few minutes I'll see my mom this weekend where we'll celebrate a belated Mothers Day and my belated birthday. I'm excited to spend some time on the mountain and some good quality time with my family!
We started with getting to sleep in a bit. Miss P's Daddy dropped her off at 9am from her visit with him. It was his weekend but he was so generous to offer me the day for Mother's day. When she got home she wanted a snack right away and then we sat down and did a big girl Frozen puzzle (ie a real puzzle instead of the wooden Melissa & Douge type ones) and then she wanted me to play with her Frozen barbie dolls with her. This kid can make up some wild stories. I was handed the Kristoff doll and she had the Anna doll and we were off looking for Elsa so she could freeze and then unfreeze Anna's heart. LOL The things she picks up from watching that movie just astounds me.
When it got close to lunch time we headed off to Sequoia Sandwich. I love this place and if you happen to be in the Fresno/Clovis CA area I highly suggest you try it. We had time to take a couple of pictures while we waited for our sandwiches to be made.
Then we went to Target for a bit. I got a new iced tea pitcher and Miss P got to pick out a few new summer clothes to round out her wardrobe. A My Little Pony shirt was the highlight of her shopping trip I think. lol She kept talking about her 'Apple Jack shirt' (a character on the show) and wanted to wear it this morning to day care.
Then since it was Mothers' Day after all, I decided we needed some frozen yogurt after all that shopping. We headed over to Menchies and it was full of surprises! First off the owner gave Miss P a Menchies stuffed doll and she just was over the moon with the gift. She squealed with delight and hugged it really tight. She was so excited! lol I think she said thank you like five times. Which is really good for a three year old!
My brother called and was in the area so he stopped by so my nieces could get some frozen yogurt and face painting too. Miss A got a unicorn on her cheek, and Miss L got a Hello Kitty on her arm. So sweet. They came back to the house so the girls could play while I rested. It was so nice as they play so well together. Burly's parents and grandma came over for dinner. Burly made tritip and I sauteed some summer squash and zucchini with mushrooms and onions. It was all SO good!
After everyone left Piper got a bath. Then since we missed nap time it was early to bed.
What a wonderful day! The only thing that held a shadow over the day was that I certainly missed Miss M but I hope she had a good day with her Mommy. I understand she's not mine to have on Mothers Day even if I feel differently!
On another note: Very few contractions the last few days. I was so thankful to not have to deal with those so much that it put any kind of spoiler on the day. I rested, stayed hydrated, and it worked to my advantage! Burly wouldn't even let me load the dishwasher!
Although we did talk on the phone for a few minutes I'll see my mom this weekend where we'll celebrate a belated Mothers Day and my belated birthday. I'm excited to spend some time on the mountain and some good quality time with my family!
Friday, May 8, 2015
It's Not Time Yet! or My Adventure With Preterm Labor
The night before last I ended up spending the evening in L&D. I had been having contractions all day on the hour. I started to keep track around 9:00 am but they started as soon as I got out of bed around 6:00am. 9:10 ouch, 9:40 tears. 10:49 Ugh. Got a little break and then 12:56 holy moly what is going on. 1:13, 1:54, 2:36, on and on and on throughout the day. Of course I was at work, oh and did I mention it was my birthday?
So working, bday lunch with two of my best friends, then tumbling with Miss P. THEN dinner with GiGi and Poppa G and frozen yogurt cause that had to happen. We didn't get home until about 9:00pm. Contractions happening all the way. I put Piper to bed but by that time the contractions had me doubling over.
I got myself into bed by 10:00pm. Had some water and tried to relax but then the period like cramps started to happen. I knew that was bad news. I was counting the contractions as they came and realized I was having them really close together. Nine in an hour to be exact and all were pretty severe. With the back 'period like' pains to go with the contractions I knew I had to call L&D and see what they wanted me to do. Of course they said come right away. Thank goodness my dad was spending the night and could watch Miss P so Burly and I could go.
We got to L&D around midnight to get checked out. The contractions ended up going away on their own, THANK GOODNESS and the baby sounded fine on the monitor and my exam showed that I'm still high and closed thankfully. So we were sent home around 2:30am.
Lesson Learned: I need to rest more.
I took the day off yesterday and spent the day resting with my feet up. I had more contractions yesterday but not to the same magnitude. I slept till noon before I even thought about getting out of bed (except for a multitude of bathroom breaks). My mom brought me lunch and spent the afternoon with me while I caught up on The Voice. When Burly got home she left to go home up the hill.
When my dad got back to the house (he stays with us part time instead of driving up and down the mountain every day) he and Burly did my grocery shopping for me. It was harder than you would imagine to let go of that control. I wanted to do my own damn shopping. What if they didn't get exactly what was on the list? They did fine though and with few exceptions got everything exactly the same as I would have.
I'm only 28 weeks 3 days. I need to let go and accept help so that I can keep this baby in for another approximately 3 months!
Pray that I can keep this baby in for as long as needed please. I'm not due until July 28th and I'm supposed to be having a scheduled C-Section!
I was joking with the nurse that my kids are here to teach me that things don't always go according to my master plan. With Miss P I wanted a natural childbirth and I ended up needing a c-section. Now with Miss V I want the c-section and she's going to try to be a v-back!
From here on out I'll be doing A LOT of resting which is pretty boring but I'll try to keep you all updated on whats new and exciting at Momma Brand's house.
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